11.21.08
Posted in Funny at by PsychicDonut
Yes, I am Mighty Mouse. Oh wait, I can’t be, I named my boss Mighty Mouse, BUT today is the day of total excitement and happiness. One is departing to far away places in Europe. One will dwell in the land of the ice and snow, from the midnight sun, where the hot springs blow…
Oops, doing it wrong again, now I am reciting Led Zeppelin songs, while having disturbing images of battle-axe-swinging kittens in my head.
Uhm, what I really mean is that I am departing home today. Yes, I am an American citizen now but Germany will always be my home, as German will always be my mother tongue. I shall dwell in the cold (I LOVE it when it’s cold outside!), bundled up in my nice thick ski jacket, while sipping Gluehwein, eating great food items and of course, dwell with my brother at his Goth club, where he will be spinning next Friday. I shall be having shots of drink items, while taking goofy pictures and being made fun of due to my strange American sounding German, and my utter lack of German words altogether. I love Munich!
I also have a brand new hairdo to sport! OK, it’s not THAT different from my bob, but I did get my hair freshly dyed, and she did layer and razor it and it’s now an awesome funky bob. She layered the top black hair enough to have a lot of the pink come through 
Pictures will follow, once one arrives in the homeland. At least I won’t be looking like a Muppet when I am hanging with my ueber cool goth brother. He truly IS the King of all Goths 
Well, what would one expect from someone who sports the DJ name “The Crow?!”
The temperatures are currently in the low 40s in Germany but will probably sink to the 30s. They already predicted snow, yay! Somehow I always get in total Christmas mood when I am at home, in the cold, snowy areas, eating ginger bread and listening to Christmas music. Somehow 80 degree weather, palm trees, shorts and flip flops don’t have that effect.
I will miss you guys and I love you all (one has to say it, just in case the plane crashes). Have a great Thanksgiving, take care of each other and be kind to each other. I shall return on Saturday, December 6 at 3:50 PM to LAX. I am flying Air France, if you want to come and greet me with flowers and balloons JUST KIDDING! Mwah!
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11.19.08
Posted in Funny at by PsychicDonut
Here are a few pictures. I thought I’d share
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Posted in Funny at by PsychicDonut
Whaaaaaaaaaaa, they are $90 and they are out of round red noses. But OMG, I need that!!!
http://www.fao.com/catalog/factories/muppets.jsp
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Posted in Life at by PsychicDonut
Yes, I think this word/button really fits me well these days. A friend just brought me a book at work “He’s just not that into you.” Chapters include wonderful ones like “He’s just not that into you if he doesn’t call you,” or “He’s just not that into you if he doesn’t want to marry you,” amongst other equally great ones.
Somehow I felt like someone slapped me really hard in the face, or poured a bucket of ice water over my head. I had no idea how delusional I truly am. I actually would be understanding each time a guy would not call me, not return my calls, didn’t want to see me, didn’t want to have sex, didn’t want to marry me, disappeared on me, broke up with me, and on and on. I have always been an insanely understanding person of other people’s problems, broken-ness and excuses. I gather being understanding of people is a lot easier than looking at the plain and simple option of “the guy just doesn’t give a damn about me/doesn’t love me.” Who wants to look at that option? But, I just refuse to overwrite my personality and the truth is that I AM a helper and that I DO care about others very deeply. I have a hard time believing that there are “rules” to every behavior and that every time someone does x, y, z, it then means a, b and c. Yes, I might be a bit delusional. Yes, I might give way too many chances and I always give the benefit of the doubt until I get killed by the doubt turning into my worst nightmare, but what can I say? I believe in the good of people. I hope I don’t ever lose that!
Right now it seems that the facts are that I AM the biggest Muppet of all of them. Of course, waking up at 3:30 AM with a hammering headache and horrible pain didn’t really help the current mood. I have only TWO more days! Until Friday night I shall crawl back under the rock from which I came from.
I shall remain proud of the fact that I am the only TRUE mix of a Muppet and Human, namely a true Humpet. Those guys who have discarded me and felt the grass was greener, those who didn’t appreciate my true muppetness, those who didn’t care are not going to stop me from believing that some day, somehow, via some miracle someone WILL love me for the glorious Humpet that I am. Meanwhile, I am going to gather up my blue fur, finish my work days and hide out with a bottle of sulfite free wine and WoW.
See, even the test results confirm it!
You Are 2: The Helper
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| You always put on a happy face and try to help those around you.
You’re incredibly empathetic and care about everyone you know.
Able to see the good in others, you’re thoughtful, warm, and sincere.
You connect with people who are charming and charismatic.
You are deeply giving, altruistic, and humble. You devote your life to others while caring for yourself too.
Your Fixation: Rejection
Your Primary Fear: Being unworthy of love
Your Primary Desire: To be loved unconditionally
Other Number 2’s: Mother Teresa, John Travolta, Princess Diana, Dr. Phil, and Mr. Rogers.
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11.18.08
Posted in Funny at by PsychicDonut
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Posted in Life, Spirituality/Religion at by PsychicDonut
I am departing to Germany on Friday night. I had a whole plan put together on staying with my friend Barbara in Cologne, having a good time partying and laughing. I hadn’t told a soul that I was arriving. Only my brother knew, because there is no way in hell I could go home and NOT see my brother. Barbara and I had been giggling and sending funny e-mails back and forth, pondering what mischief we could get into.
Last week I received an e-mail from my friend Iris. Iris has been my best friend since 6th grade. She is also the only friend I always visit when I am in Germany, except of this time. Iris told me that she had gotten really bad news; her mother was diagnosed with lung cancer. The cancer has spread already to her kidneys and bones. It seems she has had lung cancer for at least four years. I knew what that meant. Lung cancer is one of the deadliest ones and usually not curable. My heart sank. I responded that I “planned” on coming to Germany and for her to let me know if she needed me.
Iris called on Sunday. She always saw me as her “older” sister, even though I am only a year older. She was so happy to hear my voice and said “Carmen, I need you.” That was pretty much all she had to say. I told her that I was arriving on Saturday, gave her my flight numbers and told her to pick me up. One has to be there when friends are suffering.
One of the things Iris asked me was “Carmen, why her?” My best friends, with the exception of one who is always pretty happy, have always asked me this at one point “why me?” Geez, I have often asked myself the same question.
One of my best friends has been going through a spiritual crisis for well over a year. She lost her sister to a brutal murder. I have tried to be there for her as best as I could, but how could I answer the “why me” question? I had struggled with my own spirituality and beliefs for quite a while and wasn’t all that sure myself anymore if there is a “god.”
It wasn’t until it suddenly dawned on me. Now mind you, this is only MY belief and by no means do I claim to understand how the universe works!! But what if “god” is your consciousness? What if god is merely that “light” in us that comes on when we are faced with questions of common decency, or right and wrong? I am sure that “god,” or this consciousness is much more than that but I am also pretty sure that no higher power is some dude sitting up in the sky with some kind of large control panel, pushing buttons of “life” or “death.” I don’t think that god decides if you live, die, get cancer, stay healthy, and so on. I think that god is the power that helps me through rough times. I think that god is the power that keeps me on a path of attempting to continuously do the right thing, even though doing the wrong thing is easier and much more rewarding at times.
I don’t believe in heaven or hell. I believe that human beings do a fine job in creating their own hell. I believe that this higher being has truly given us free will, and free will and ego mess up our lives royally. Our continuous need/want to control and be in charge gets us in trouble and often leads us to making the wrong choices, over and over and over. I do not believe that there is rhyme or reason, or even fairness in the universe. I believe that a lot of the things that happen to us are self-created and sometimes they are simply just bad luck, genes, chromosomes, etc. I do not believe that some of us are punished because we were bad (either in this life or another), while others skate through life because they are good. If that logic would apply, a lot of the really bad people wouldn’t keep getting away with their shit and a lot of the wonderful people I know wouldn’t have tragic things happen to them. This is also why organized religion isn’t working for me. Any time someone takes responsibility away and claims “god” made it happen, I wanna puke.
I know that I am the master of my own destiny and based on the decisions I make every day, I will have a pretty big chance of either having happiness in my life, or screwing it up royally. Part of that is learning lessons. And sticking one’s finger over and over in the outlet, while hoping that next time around the outcome might be different, well, we all know what that means.
I know that if I refuse to take responsibility for my own actions and if I continue to claim that “it wasn’t my fault” things will never get better/change for me. I know that everyone has potential to truly be amazing, but I also know that many choose to not ever tap into this potential. I know that some will continue to repeat bad cycles, being a victim, being addicts, being angry/filled with rage, feeling depressed and hopeless and I know that neither I, nor any god will change it. The only one who can ever change anything is the person themselves.
As shitty as it sounds, some of us are sometimes just in the wrong place, at the wrong time. We weren’t “chosen” to suffer, we weren’t singled out, and bad things happened to us. Some of us were mistreated by our parents, some abused, molested, raped, left, abandoned, ignored and unloved, while others were simply forgotten. Sometimes certain parents should have never had kids and they did anyway. Some of us had to pay the price for that, but it wasn’t god who sat and watched as we were hurt. Life is a crap shoot at times. My friend’s sister wasn’t less important to god and therefore died, while another person was more important and therefore lived. I wished religion would stop telling this bullshit to people and therefore make them feel guilty and unloved, wondering the everlasting question of “why me?”
God/the Universe/goddess, whatever you want to call it, keeps me straight. I HAVE felt many times throughout my life that the only thing that kept me going was faith. Maybe nothing exists, but my life is happier for having faith, and it is much more enriched. I just learned that I cannot play victim, no matter HOW bad it gets/has gotten; and trust me, it has gotten really bad before in my life. Some of it was not by choice and was not my fault. Sometimes another forced their will on me and made me suffer for it, but many times I screwed up and made the wrong decision, or maybe just had a way too idealistic notion. Ok, sometimes I was downright delusional in my hopes for another.
Either way, god is not the force that screws up my life. God is simply the power within me to be the best I can be, knowing that I am part of one big thing, whatever that may be. God is my gut feeling that looks through masks. God is that nagging feeling in my stomach, knowing that something “bad” is about to happen. God is also the feeling of gratefulness for all the love and blessings I have received. God is the integrity within me, that has me look in the mirror and say “Carmen, you are full of it,” or “I feel pretty low right now but thank you for not giving up.”
Life is what I make it. I resent that any church may tell people that they are either “blessed,” “protected,” or “punished” and worse “god works in mysterious ways.” One of the saddest days in my life was when I realized it was all up to me and that I am my own island and have full power over my destiny. However, it was also one of the happiest and most powerful days. I pray, I meditate, I believe and I honestly think that most of the “answers” come from within me. But I am also wide open that the answers within me, are in fact inspired by this higher power I call god. And I thank god for the ability to love and to receive love, for I could be sitting in a psych ward, rocking back and forth while drooling all over myself. Alas, here I am writing blogs to the world
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11.17.08
Posted in Life, Funny at by PsychicDonut
First of all, I leveled my Undead Warlock to 71 and I had loads of fun questing, even though it is a bit boring playing all on my own and trying to finish it all without help. However, it’ still loads of fun and much better than going out and wasting make up, haha.
I watched another few hours of TLC. This time it was about super morbidly obese people. All I can say is “wow!” How sad it must be to be stuck like that. I also watched The Wizard of Oz and Dexter
Yay, I am flying to Germany on Friday night. I instructed my roommate to keep moving my car around so it won’t get towed or get a ticket on street cleaning days. Let’s hope he remembers!
Also, I had no idea that I am a guru. Just ask my friends, they’ll probably safely assure you that they do NOT suffer withdrawals when I am not around
You Are the Guru
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| You are a naturally good counselor. You are inspiring, encouraging, and compassionate.
You are eager to help everyone who crosses your path, even those who don’t want to be helped.
You are a natural healer. People feel at peace when they are with you.
You are so good for people, in fact, that they go through withdrawal once you’re gone.
You quietly do your own thing, without openly resisting. You secretly try to fix every problem.
Your biggest regret is not being able to help as many people as you’d like.
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11.14.08
Posted in Spirituality/Religion, Funny at by PsychicDonut
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Posted in Human Behavior, Spirituality/Religion at by PsychicDonut
Since the last election I got a true glimpse of fanaticism and craziness at its best. I never truly understood how people go that far into the nut zone; and a statement like this coming out of MY mouth is rather funny, given how opinionated I can be and how strong I feel about certain things.
It’s just that I don’t try to push/force my beliefs on others, and I stop when I realize that I am/might hurt another. It’s a bit of the whole pagan “Harm None” thing. Seems rather odd that some people have absolutely no respect for another’s opinion, or worse, how much they hurt others by being judgmental, cruel, and self-righteous. It is scary to see how far people will go to insist on how right and therefore justified they are in their actions and words 
I wrote a blog about Prop. 8 not too long ago. I got the fundamentalist’s view, which frightened me to the core. I never truly understood how anyone can get so brainwashed by religion that they no longer have free will and blindly follow. However, I cannot condone in any shape or form how far the pendulum swung on the other side either!
Yes, I understand how frustrating and saddening it is to have your rights removed by people who claim to be loving and compassionate. I understand how it sucks to have a right one day, then wake up and find that right removed the next day. I understand how it feels to be discriminated against, to be singled out, black-marked and so on. I’ve had my fair share of that, BUT…I have never turned any of these emotions into violence.
Watching some of the gay marches in front of Mormon temples, spewing hate at church goers, watching people vandalize cars, getting in fist fights, posting signs, and spreading hate made me also sad and disappointed. Yes, the Mormon Church started the Prop. 8 thing, but who passed it? It was passed by all kinds of people, including Catholics, Protestants, and other churches, as well as different races and your average Joe Schmoe. The Mormons are not the only ones to blame here. Maybe the fact that it passed showed us how homophobic the country is as a whole. I would think the only way to change this is by educating the masses, by spreading compassion, love and kindness. Yeah, I am talking a bit of the Jesus thing here. That guy never sat there and spread hate and discrimination. He always talked about holding the other cheek and loving thy neighbor, etc.; and I am not even a Christian! All I am seeing right now is how poor of a job people are doing in that department.
No, I never felt that any gay person should take this huge injustice to the chin. But fighting back begins with education. I personally believe that there is NO WAY that this ridiculous proposition is NOT going to be overruled in courts anyway. I also believe in speaking out one’s mind. I believe in stating when one is hurt and disappointed, versus swallowing it, but not by lashing out, beating others, vandalizing and hating. If anything, these behaviors will only strengthen bigotry and prejudices, as well as fueling the fire a lot of these ”Christians” are spreading. I simply do not understand how anyone can think they can beat sense into another. Beating sense into a person, regardless if it is done with fists or cruel/harsh words are the same to me, btw.
A gay person I know recently sent me an IM with a link to a Mormon question site, telling me to “go and kicks some ass.” Alas, I ignored him. I know it is really hard to have compassion and be kind for people who are assholes, people who have mistreated you, discriminated against you, judged you, or abused you! But the only thing I have learned in life so far is that forgiveness is the only way to being well in the heart, mind and spirit. Anger/hatred is like a cancer. It will eat you alive; make you physically, emotionally, psychologically and mentally ill. And for crying out loud, just educate the masses. Show them that gay couples are no different than any other couples, and that they therefore deserve the same rights, compassion and freedom than a heterosexual couple does.
I am simply trying to remind people that bitching about and hating fanatics is pretty scary when it is coming from people who act the same way. Don’t be hypocrites! By acting like the nut crackers, you are just giving them even more power! The gay friends I have are all well educated, sophisticated people. Now go and show them who the true barbarians/ savages/sick persons are here, and that it ISN’T YOU!
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11.13.08
Posted in Funny at by PsychicDonut
I am proud to report, just in case you didn’t know or ever wondered that I am a total nerd/geek! There is no doubt left in me and I cannot hide the fact any longer.
This morning my friend Tom chimed in on IM and said “Are you going to buy the new World of Warcraft expansion, Wrath of the Lich King, today? I responded with the blushing embarrassed emoticon and said “Well, it’s currently loading on my computer at home.”
See, when one is a geek like I am, one also has geeky friends, or a geeky roommate. I have all of the above. My geeky roommate ventured down to Anaheim last night for the midnight release and stood in line with another 4,000 geeks. He got me an early Christmas present, namely a copy of the expansion set, mu haha ha. He got home at 6 AM and the expansion was loading when I left the house to go to work. There is much power in being a geek and having friends who support you in your geekyness,
There is going to be a new class, the so called “Death Knight!” Guess what I’ll be doing all weekend long? Hahaha, this is awesome! From what I hear this Death Knight is very similar to the Necromancer in Diablo, which is also a Blizzard game. The Death Knight supposedly can do all kinds of cool stuff, amongst them he can explode corpses, haha. OK, I’ve geeked enough now. I am pretty sure that very few can even follow this blog anyway, lol.
Yes, the geek force is strong in this one! Geeking, I am doing it right!
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