Love, Best Friends and Douchebaggery

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“I deserve much better than this.” How many times have you heard someone say that; or worse, how often have you said it? There is something profoundly unhealthy about staying with a person because you have to make a point or prove that you are worth it. “But I am a good person! Why can’t he see that.” Or how about “once I am gone he is really going to realize that he lost the best thing that’s ever happened to him.”

I hate to break it to people, because I also hated breaking it to myself: NO, he is NOT going to realize that! Maybe he misses pieces of you, maybe he hates being alone, but no, he is not in some magic slumber that will suddenly end when you choose to leave. Chances are, he is going to move on, the way he always has before you came around. Maybe there is relief in knowing that he no longer has to work so hard or pretend or fight, or whatever. Maybe there isn’t. But what most of us don’t want to admit is that it doesn’t matter what the other one thinks, feels, wants, needs or doesn’t. What matters is what you feel, think, want and need. If you cannot believe that you are worth it or “deserve better” you won’t convince anyone else of it. It’s as easy as that.

Running around the world and telling everyone how beautiful, deserving, smart, ambitious, amazing and loving you are is not going to make you so. If you cannot believe in yourself, no one else will. If you don’t set boundaries, no one else will. If you don’t decide what and when it is enough, well, I’m sorry to say then you have it coming. All I can say is, “brace yourself and get ready for the next round of crap.”

Love…what a wonderful notion – and yet I think a lot of us have it wrong. Love isn’t pain and it isn’t hard work. Love isn’t misery, fighting, struggling and proving your self-worth. Love is not about power, control, dominance, fear, anger and selfish whims. Love is not an addiction you have to fuel like an addict. And no, it’s not about fear and adrenaline rush (often mistaken as the initial “in love” experience). Love is about deep appreciation, respect and admiration for the other person. It’s about the joy you experience when spending time and space with them. It’s about mutual interests, but most importantly same values! If your core values do not match, you won’t either. This is not about compromise. A compromise is about taste in food and music, not in areas like being monogamous or loyal, for example.

While we are talking about the foundation for love; let’s also discuss friendship for a moment. We often use the reason that the other is our best friend. And again, I come in with the brutal truth: Wow! Your bar when it comes to friendships must be set, not just super low, but probably be buried underground; unless it is OK for your friends to be dishonest, disloyal, selfish and mean to you. I often see people put up with stuff for the sake of friendship and honestly, it amazes me what they consider a best friend. Truth? A person who consistently puts their needs ahead of yours, does not treat you with kindness, respect, care and consideration is not only a lousy partner, but definitely not a friend either. I wouldn’t even acknowledge them as an acquaintance. Don’t mistake the few good times you have and the few times he/she actually listens and attempts to care or do the right thing as being a friend. Friends don’t hurt you consistently and/or worse, deliberately!

It is sad, maddening and hard to stand up for yourself when you don’t know how to. It is difficult to understand that no one but you is responsible for your happiness. You can roll over and stay in denial, blaming the other(s) for your misery, but in the end, it’s all on you. Your quality of life is on you. Happiness, success and health – yep, also almost 100% on you. Even when life deals you crap cards, it’s still on you. There is power in this! Trust me. I view these trials and crap times of my life as badges of maturity and wisdom. There were times when I kept sticking my finger in the electrical outlet, electrocuting myself over and over,  wondering why I was in so much pain; until I learned to stop doing that.

So the question remains: Are you done yet, or are you ready for the next round of pain! The choice is 100% yours.

 

  

Cure for Diabetes

Hello Everyone!

I am riding for the American Diabetes foundation and only need $176 to reach my goal. If you can, please donate a few dollars to this worthy cause. The link is below:

Carmen Honacker’s Donation Page

  

Crazy Is as Crazy Does

not crazy

Ever had the urge to beat the living snot out of someone? How about making up a complete BS story in order to impress another? Have you ever snooped after a partner, because you had the nagging suspicion that he/she might have been lying or cheating? Maybe you stalked the one who dumped you because you were just so obsessed with him/her that you couldn’t help yourself. And then there may have been a situation where you lied through your teeth in order to not face the consequence of the action.

I once asked a psychiatrist how a sociopath could do the things he was doing. I asked how it is possible to not feel regret, remorse, sympathy or empathy at all. His answer was along the lines of “if you would be able to understand it, we’d have a problem. It would make you one of them.” Apparently, all of us have the ability to commit horrible crimes (just think of hate crimes, or what Nazis did in Germany) but what makes the difference is the choices that we make.

Let’s leave chemical imbalance and obvious mental illnesses like schizophrenia out for a moment. Quite often, what makes the difference between sanity and insanity, good or evil, etc. are the actions we take. In other words, the urge by itself does not define you, but the action that you take will.

When people blame circumstances or others for their individual actions, I tend to feel the same amount of astonishment and disbelief I did with the sociopath. I can’t wrap my head around hurting another physically, emotionally, psychologically/mentally or all of the above and claiming that you did what you did due to some exterior force that you had no control over (like being drunk, someone told you so, they started it and so on). At what point do we overwrite common sense, reasoning, logic, decency, morals and ethics and simply move forward with our action? Sure, there are many explanations for why people do what they do, but I still don’t get it.

Sometimes the craziest ideas may overcome us; other times we simply feel so angry or hurt that we can justify whatever means necessary to make that feeling go away, but don’t we also have a responsibility as human beings to not intentionally harm others for our own selfish reason or need?

Most of us don’t want to hurt another or be “bad” people. I have always said that it is impossible for us to always achieve this goal. Sometimes, we hurt others no matter how hard we try not to. But what makes the difference is our intent. Everyone screws up, everyone makes mistakes and some of them will be at someone else’s expense . What always mattered to me is the simple ability to look at myself in the mirror at the end of the day, knowing that I did the best I could, based on the knowledge and information I had at the time.

I think it is good to question oneself. I think it serves us to surround ourselves with those who will question our actions and challenge us in our beliefs and ways of being. If we only spend time with people who agree with us and think alike, we will never grow, which is why I am so weary of “herds” and groups of like minded individuals. Sure, we all want to belong and it is easier to belong with those who think alike or act in ways familiar to us, but therein lies the danger to repeat cycles that continue for generations and for us to never grow past of what we know.

Crazy is as crazy does, and good is as good does. If who we are is defined by our actions and actions are driven by thought, maybe we should all be more mindful of our thoughts and then our actions? Maybe if we questioned more and followed less and sat with being a little uncomfortable in the face of adversity or the unknown, and maybe if we chose our actions less on overthinking and more on the intention to be the best we can be and make a difference, not just for us but also for others, we would feel less crazy, have more control and probably be happier, too. Crazy sometimes is simply a choice; and so is sanity, healthy behavior, love, hate, anger, fear, happy or misery. Happy is as happy does. Think and act on that!

  

Religion – No Longer a Source of Faith and Community

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I was raised protestant. Pretty much everyone in Germany is either protestant or catholic; after all, we have to get baptized, even though our parents never set foot into a church. In school, we start having religious studies from 1st grade on, all the way through graduation, including business school. You can’t opt out, unless you are not baptized (the horror!) and therefore are nondenominational. When I was 14 I went through confirmation; the equivalent to communion for the catholics. Of course,  I had to attend bible studies before my confirmation and the test at the end (remind me one day of how I embarrassed myself in church by accidentally naming Hitler instead of Jesus in response to the minister’s question!).

Why am I sharing this information? Well, because I really did spend more than 10 years being indoctrinated in Jesus and the bible. And while I don’t remember most of it, I remember the parts that count. I also have to say that I had an awesome minister who was honest enough to explain the difference between taking the bible literally and understanding the mere metaphors. He assured me that I wasn’t a bad person for not believing in the whole Adam and Eve bit. I remember when he once said to me “you have to remember that the people back then didn’t have scientific explanations for anything. But the Bible is meant as metaphor and guide on how to be a decent person; a blueprint for a good life if you will” This is what I took with me!

Interestingly enough, even though pretty much everyone was baptized and we all had religion in school and went through communion/confirmation, I would still label Germany a predominantly atheist country. There are certain things you do (like baptizing your children) because this is how our society works. But religion is not ever used in politics and does not feature in decisions of what makes you a good or bad person – and this is precisely the difference that I see between how I grew up and what I am seeing here. The lack of religion actually served in becoming a country with a much stronger socioeconomic system. It is expected that the richer help the poorer, the stronger help the weaker and that everyone is ENTITLED to free health care. Yep, all the principles taught in the bible are mostly demonstrated in countries that are predominantly atheist (look this up, if you don’t believe me).

Religion was part of my culture and yet, it was never an invasive, all consuming power like it is here. What is being said and done in the name of religion is shocking and appalling to me. The way people are trying to weasel “god” into government, law and every part of our society is truly disturbing, terrifying and threatening to me. If they would represent the values and teachings of their religion, I might actually understand. But when religion serves as a front to hate, discriminate, belittle and hurt other people, I am going to fight it. If you are telling me you are devout, while screaming to not support the lazy unemployed, screw people who can’t afford healthcare and gripping on to your wealth because people CHOOSE to be poor/are poor due to their own fault and choices, while demonstrating to take rights away from gay people and immigrants, then I’ll just hold on to insisting that I am German, even though I am an American now.

I keep wracking my brain how seemingly intelligent people fall for complete douche baggery. Sure, I understand that religion has long served as a means to build communities and create a sense of belonging. I understand that religion is even necessary for some, because they simply need a book of rules, a guide or moral compass that serves as the blueprint to how to live their lives. I have used my spirituality and beliefs I held in the past as my moral compass. Not because I couldn’t tell right from wrong, but because I wanted to believe that there is something bigger than me and that there is meaning to a life well lived. I understand how our brains are actually hard-wired for spirituality! I simply don’t understand what happens afterwards. At what point do reason, logic and common sense just go bye-bye and we become complete jerks? And being true to myself, I researched this in detail!

The common denominator with almost all religions is the sense of superiority it delivers. It promises salvation and rewards to those who believe the way they are told, which is where the “my god is better than yours” comes in. You play into people’s sense of purpose and feeling special or better than others and quite often, you have them roped in. Ego and religion often go hand in hand. And sadly, those who are in it to simply be better people are getting drowned out by the fanatical nutjobs who make the most noise and hence, give a false representation of what a certain religion is about. These points are very well demonstrated in Christian splinter groups, Scientology and the Islam.

What makes me so sad and what’s so disappointing is that people don’t really live what they preach. These days, all kinds of crimes are being committed in the name of Jesus and Allah. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that people are hating in the name of god, or the fact that they blatantly misinterpret and abuse scripture that was meant to serve as a guide to help, heal and love. The values that are taught in regards to love, compassion and kindness have been replaced with agendas, power displays, hate and bigotry.

The fact that it seems almost normal and accepted now to force religion into law and schools is seriously worrisome for me. If you want your child to be raised with religious values, send them to a private religious school and pay for it. But don’t force your belief on the rest, claiming you know what is best! I find that so truly offensive! What ever gave you the right to force what YOU believe on the rest of the world?

People! This country is still founded on the freedom of religion AND separation of church and state. There is a reason for this. Maybe, you could “convert” people by demonstrating what an amazingly loving and morally superior person you are. Maybe, if you’d live the values, more people would literally flock to your church, instead of turning away from it. Maybe if you’d stop with the fear mongering, hate speech and attacks on everyone and everything  that isn’t like you, people would be intrigued, instead of disgusted and put off.

When I see gay bashing, funerals being picketed and laws are attempted to being passed that would allow to make some people more equal than others, when I live in the supposed land of the free and equal, when I see that it is accepted and supported that some people are violated in their rights in the name of a supposed god, I just hang my head in shame and stand over on the other side – with the atheists! If being a believer now means being lumped in with a bunch of crazy, mean-spirited jerks and bullies, I’ll rather stick with the science folks!

  

The Gay Agenda

gay love

 

I want to start out by saying that I am a straight woman. I am as straight as they come. I’ve never experimented with women and I am not confused about my sexuality at all. I have, however, had gay friends for most of my life. There was a time as a teenager when I only partied with gay men and this time was one of the best times of my life!

What I am about to say may sound shocking, but I feel it needs to be said in order to put things in perspective. As a survivor of sexual abuse, and as a woman who knows plenty of other sexual abuse survivors, I have done my homework and can say this with absolute certainty: Over 90% of all child molesters, rapists, abusers, exhibitionists and sadists are heterosexual men!  Yes, go ahead and read this statistic again! You may argue your bullshit, but these are the facts. You can do your own research when it comes to studies done by sociologists and psychologists. In addition, I have yet to meet a single person who was abused by a gay person and this includes the men I have met who were molested or raped! So now that we have the facts, let me move on with a few other “strong opinions” here.

Why is it that gay haters are always talking about the “gay agenda?” What agenda do gay people have? To be treated equally? To not be subjected to discrimination, bigotry and hate? Isn’t that the same agenda all of us have in a free country?

I really love when I hear that some concerned citizens hate on gay people because they fear for the safety of their children. You feel you are “subjecting” your children to homosexuality? And this does what? Make them gay? I have been hanging out with homosexual men and women since I was a teenager and I am still straight as an arrow. Apparently, the gay didn’t rub off on me.
Don’t want gay people to adopt or have children for the same reason? Have you known gay parents? Because I actually know a few and they are better parents then mine could ever hope to be. Oh, I also forgot to mention that their kids didn’t grow up to become gay either. If that would be the case, I wonder why your kid turned out gay, when you are straight! Alas, I digress.

Look, it is part of this beautiful country that you can come up with the most batshit crazy ideas and sell them as fact. You get to sell your craziness as freedom of speech and you get to spew whatever comes to your mind, whenever and wherever you feel like it.
Generally, none of this bothers me – if crazy would just stick to crazy. But no! It is not good enough to have a nutty belief, you now need to force this belief on the rest of the world; and you do it in the name of….are you ready? Of course! You do it in the name of being a Christian. To quote Patton Oswalt “Oh Sky Cake!”

People!!! Please let me share this. I was raised Christian and read the New Testament. Let me tell you something about this guy, Jesus Christ. This was the guy who hung out with lepers, murderers, thieves, prostitutes and other hated folks. This guy loved and healed and never once discriminated or shared a single thought or word of intolerance. There is no douche baggery found in the New Testament! Wanna talk about “men shall not lay with men” crap? That’s in the OLD Testament; you know, the stuff Jewish people follow? But you cannot, absolutely cannot call yourself a Christian while spewing hate, intolerance and discrimination. If you do, you are a wannabe Christian and obviously, never read Christ’s word.

If you want to hate homosexuals based on your own ignorance and fear, at least admit to it. But don’t do it in the name of Christ or to protect children. That just makes me want to hurl. As mean as it may sound, I wish all these better-than-thou jerks would find themselves in the boat where their child comes out as gay. Nothing to cure ignorance and stupidity than being confronted with it in your own family. Obviously, a lot of these super angry people have way too much time on their hands. I have no other explanation for people sticking their noses into the bedrooms of other people and trying to decide who another can and cannot love.

I am fully aware that my words won’t make a difference for those who hate strongly. If words would make a difference, we wouldn’t have racism and discrimination. Alas, maybe someone will take the time to actually read and study the scientific evidence for the things they are talking about and come to the conclusion that they are wrong. You know, “humanum errare est” (to err is human) and I think it would make a lot of people better humans if they could understand how hurtful and misplaced their words and actions are.

I get it! You don’t want to be gay. You don’t want to imagine what gay people do (I don’t want to imagine what some straight people do either) but that doesn’t give you the right to hate, especially not when you are a Christian! No one is asking you to be gay or engage in gay activities. No one is making your children gay and trust me, gay won’t rub off. So, truly for Christ’s sake, have some tolerance, some compassion and love for people, especially when they are different from you. Last time I checked, that’s what Christ taught!

  

To All Women – Love Yourself!

Me

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is me.  I am 44 1/2 years old. I do yoga whenever I can and I think I may have discovered a love for hiking. I have Fibromyalgia, which makes hardcore workouts very difficult, as my body is in constant pain – unless I drastically increase the dose for the meds I am on. Cause of the FM is that I suffer from PTSD, which means I have to keep my stress levels at a minimum; this is hard to do, given that my normal cortisol output is always elevated. I literally run higher strung than normal people; and  that sucks.

I am fighting genes. High blood pressure, obesity, high cholesterol, diabetes, gastritis and pancreatitis run in my family; the latter killed my mother when she was 48 years old. It almost killed my sister three years ago. I have managed to avoid these issues with a fairly healthy diet and exercise.  I quit smoking a few years ago, I don’t really drink and I was never one for drugs.

I work a corporate job and I’ll leave it at that. The point here is that I have a full-time career, which sometimes demands more and sometimes less.

Why am I telling you this? Because I am trying to make a point. When I look at myself, I see the average woman. I have a career, I pay my bills, sure, I sport some tattoos and spiky hair, but otherwise I am just doing what all of us are doing – trying to do the best I can. I live my life with a high level of integrity, honesty and decency, but I don’t have the perfect body; and I have been rejected for that in the past.

I have struggled my entire life to gain acceptance from a society that favors unrealistic expectations of how a woman should look like; not just from a weight perspective, but on all levels imaginable. I spent thousands of dollars on diets, personal trainers, workout equipment, fitness club memberships and therapy. At the ripe age of 40 I started to actually love and accept myself. Does that mean I gave up and simply said “screw it?” No, it doesn’t mean that. I am still dragging my butt into yoga, even when I hurt and when my vinyasas are painful and I have to take breaks. I try and keep striving to be healthy, strong and fit and trust me, none of this comes natural to me. It has been a struggle my entire life – and yes, I was the fat kid in school they made fun of. Yes, I do have struggled with body image and weight issues my entire life.

It took so many years to finally love myself. And talking to my fellow sisters, they all have struggled with this at some point; some of them still do. The older we get, the harder it is to be desirable when you live in a society that bought some notion of eternal youth and beauty, sold by the images of movie stars – who couldn’t be further away from the “real” world if they tried; models – who are less than 1% of the population, or porn stars – who hardly describe how the average woman looks, feels, works and operates.
Imagine if all men would have to look like Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt or Bradley Cooper, just to name a few. Imagine if we’d expect our men to have an average penis size of at least <–insert porn star penis size here, and imagine how it would be like if we’d expect our men to look like a Calvin Klein model or Chris Hemsworth. I don’t know any woman who has these unreasonable expectations – myself included!

However, having to look like some barbie/model/movie star is something that gets imposed on us women all the time. Men are not as forgiving when it comes to our flaws. It is normal for a guy in his 50s to date a girl in her 20s and it often feels like “game over” when you are an average woman in her 40s or 50s. Make that double hard when you have the average body; or worse, when you don’t (unless you are super thin)!

So, here I stand – the whole 5’3″ with hips, thighs, belly, chest and all, letting you know that beauty is not just external. Beauty comes in other sizes but 0 and 1. I stand here saying that I don’t need to look or behave like a porn star to be sexy. I do not need to have the body of an actress or model to be beautiful. I am these things by the very nature of my being – my actions, thoughts and words.

Beauty and sex appeal lie within the way we move, hold our head high, carry ourselves, walk, talk, think and behave. These traits are held within the wisdom we share, the knowledge we have and the confidence that we acquire by the time we become real women. We may not have the perfect body (anymore), but we know how to love, share, give, receive and we are better lovers because of it. We don’t need your money and we don’t need you to take care of us. We have the freedom to invite you into our lives because we want you there, not because we need you there.

Women – with great power comes great responsibility. Our responsibility is to celebrate and love ourselves, even when society tries to tell us that we are never quite good enough. We are/you are beautiful and enough! So, here it is, a big hooray for T&A! ;-)

  

TUT – A Note from the Universe

What if in “heaven,” Carmen, you also have to think of what you want before you get it? You have to start every windfall with your own little blowing? You have to do what you can, with what you’ve got, to make stuff happen?

Yeah, that’s what I said! You’re going to totally own the place.

Cowabunga -
The Universe

  

Alles kann besser werden – Everything can get better

My brother posted this on my FB wall. The gist? Never give up, because everything always gets better. The decision to walk out “of this shit show.” Everything can get better, let’s aim for heaven on earth.

“Even when you are sobbing and crying hard, please don’t give up.
Even when you deny your life, please don’t give up.
Even when everything seems screwed up, please don’t give up…”

  

Love, Dove, Schmove, Pove

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It’s the most complicated emotion we can feel and yet, I find it the most important one. What would I be without the ability to love? What would the world be like without love?

I am not an expert. But I have learned some valuable lessons along the way that taught me the difference between infatuation, lust and love. I think, like most people, I had it wrong. I think that I fell for the Hollywood bullshit version of “love at first sight” and “falling head over heels.” I mistook strange obsession and unhealthy attachment, fear and adrenaline rush for love. I also mistook an old, and yet familiar feeling of having to prove my worth and value, for love. And hence, love was eluding me and was all but a fleeting and painful emotion I often wished I never felt at all.

I learned love from my friends. Yes, not from romance, not from movies but my friends. I learned what love truly was when I realized how I felt when someone truly, compassionately and honestly cared for me and valued me. I realized, if I ever was going to feel that strongly for a man AND had chemistry with him, I’d be set (provided he felt the same in return, of course).

But as we humans are, we make it complex. We want the whole package, as is sold to us by media and entertainment. The whole shabang, including the crazy obsession and the endless what ifs, fear and excitement, we so easily mistake for being in love. We are so confused and unable to form true and lasting bonds that we consistently feel disconnected, alone and unloved. And when we meet people who do not ignite the proverbial spark, we dismiss them as not the one, even though the spark is based on superficial and exterior things.

Love, as defined by psychology and as I see it, is a mutual admiration, respect, compassion, intimacy, care and commitment to another. Yes, we have to be attracted and have chemistry/sexual compatibility, but I found that the big bang theory doesn’t hold up.

Maybe, the “bang” is the thing that happens when your admiration, care, compassion, intimacy and commitment to the other grows. Maybe, you just wake up one day and find that you truly cannot be without the other, because they do make you a much better person and life without them, while possible, actually sucks. Maybe it truly is that thing where you grow closer, versus further apart as the time passes and you truly get enveloped within their whole essence and being – by choice, not by obsession.

I think my understanding of love is more of a bond than just a need. As I grow older I am changing, evolving and learning. My paradigms are shifting and so is my outlook on what I deemed once important, attractive, desirable and necessary. I think it’s all changing for the good. I feel calmer, even though my life is less exciting one could argue.

These days I believe more and doubt less. I don’t pick things apart, I don’t dissect them the way I used to and I don’t think them to death. It’s more quiet and there is no adrenaline rush. Crazy has left the building and for that I am super thankful.

And on that note, here is the latest TUT – A Note from the Universe:
“Fret not, Carmen. Time is on your side.
So are all the angels.
And “no” is never forever.
Yes, now, thank you -
The Universe”

  

Self-Confidence vs. Selfish Douche Baggery

Confidence

Has it ever happened to you that you watched the actions of someone who truly shines in being insensitive and selfish and sells these traits as confidence with a bow of “if you love me/care for me, you should accept all parts of me, including the douche baggish ones.” You know what? Not so much! There is a huge difference between confidence and selfishly pushing your agenda for the sake of your own gratification and ego. There is a very clear line between being selfish and arrogant and being confident and loving. So how does one strike the balance?

When we are self confident, we act from a place of knowing who we are and where we are going.  Confidence comes from a place within and is obtained by positive thoughts, followed with positive actions and being rewarded with positive outcomes. The intent is to do what’s best for your higher good and therefore often intertwines with was is good for others. Confidence is a peaceful, quiet place – not fueled by ego, fear, need to prove, please or impress another. Confidence is fueled by knowledge and inner power. Ego has no place here. Confidence is an ever changing and evolving flow of experiences, created by positive actions, aligned by the intent we have set in regards to whom we want to become and where we want to go.

Arrogance, while often appearing as confidence is fueled by a selfish reason to appease one’s whims and desires, without care for consequences to others. Arrogance is fueled by ego, fear, insecurity, narcissism, a need to prove, impress and gloat. Hence, arrogance goes hand in hand with selfishness. It is built on quicksand with a house of cards and will blow over when challenged or proven otherwise.  Arrogance comes with a disregard for other’s feelings and leaves no room for growth or error; it is rigid in nature. Arrogance is by design unkind and unloving; not just towards others, but to oneself.

So how does confidence and selfishness go together? Well, let’s first break down how we define “selfish.” Personally, I don’t care for the word selfishness too much. I like to define doing what is best for me as setting boundaries. I find doing what is best for me, usually goes hand-in-hand with doing what is best for those around me, because I cannot be at my personal best and operate at my highest level, when I am off balance and feeling overwhelmed, unloved, ignored, angry, overextended, taken for granted, etc. – you get the gist.

When I set my boundaries and do what is best for me, I tend to usually not hurt others in the process, because doing what is best for me involves surrounding myself with those who deserve my time, space and love. Setting my path with confidence and self-love means that I choose situations, people, jobs and outcomes carefully, based on the notion and intent that these will serve my higher good. 

So let’s examine this within the realm of being an introvert. Wouldn’t it make sense for me to require large amounts of alone time to recharge my batteries and hence, push away those I care about here and there? Confidence has given me the ability to recognize that I do require recharging of my batteries and then set the boundary by clearly stating when it becomes too much to be out and about. Confidence has also given me the ability to define these boundaries in a way that does not hurt or push away another by simply asking to stay in and watch a movie, for example, or asking to stay behind from this concert everyone is going to. Being loving and caring gives me the ability to allow another to freely choose if they want to be part of Carmen’s hamster ball of quiet, or partake in the rowdy bits without me, when I am feeling overwhelmed. Either way, my actions are loving and allow for both to get what they want, without being pushed away, or feeling selfishly imposed upon.

It is possible to be all of you and have your boundaries and needs respected within relationships and friendships; provided you choose wisely. People may often feel that they cannot be themselves or need to lose themselves when being with someone, but I found that the opposite can be true – when we have the confidence, experience and wisdom to choose for our higher purpose. The people, situations and outcomes we choose and act upon within this realm do not infringe on our well-being, but instead help us grow and become continuously more confident and the butt kicker we set out to be. When we choose from confidence and love, we choose what is best for us, almost 100% of the time, so the need to feel selfish, unkind and douche baggish also diminishes. The right people recognize light and intent and therefore won’t interfere, but add to it.

  

Welcome to my blog, where stating the obvious, speaking the truth and using common sense seems to either inspire people, or royally piss them off.