When I was a child I used to have the most vivid imagination. I literally spent years dreaming up new worlds, people, situations and identities. I had wings and didn’t care for reality, or better what people told me was real or possible/not possible and not real. I constantly reinvented myself and didn’t care if the new creation was one people deemed acceptable or not.
This part always stayed with me. It’s the very core of my being. Yes, I’d try to hide it and shut it down, but how can you shut off your core? So, out of necessity, I created numerous versions of myself; sadly, often versions I thought other people wanted or needed me to be. This turned the simple act of love often into agony.
See, when I was a child I learned how to truly see the true core of others; before it was corrupted, morphed, distorted, damaged and surrounded by walls. I got in trouble for it. I was often accused of seeing the world through rose-colored glasses, being a dreamer, detached, unfocused and way too sensitive. My mom would punish me for it, my teachers would note it in my report cards and my friends would scold me for it, instructing me how to “toughen up.” To me, this was my magic power. I was able to see potential, where others didn’t. I saw beauty in things others missed. And of course, this ability scared the living crap out of many. It’s difficult for some to be around a person who cannot be lied to, speaks truth at all cost and, to quote a few, would hold up a mirror to them, showing them who they really are; not who they want others to see.
There were labels for me, so many labels: intense, scary, judgmental, too much, fierce, the wild card, too honest, too open, not filtered enough, in dire need of a drink or drug; and the saddest of all: too sensitive. I tried to be less and tone down my being, but honestly, I didn’t like myself very much when I was censored, subdued and guarded. And again, love would be agony.
How could I be me, all of me, without drawing those who needed my energy to sustain, or those who would run from the tornado I was? How could I fall in love deeply and safely and be loved back just as deeply? I felt so lost in a world that, to me, seemed mostly filled with people who struck me as cold, self-absorbed, angry, broken and void of magic.
The answers came slowly and over years. I had to simply let go of the world and the people in it. I had to see and be my own magic. I had to reach within and stop looking to the outside. I started dancing again – alone, when no one was watching. I started singing more, laughing, crying, feeling and exploring – alone. I fell in love again, deeply and fiercely, with my beautiful, magical and fragile, sensitive, yet amazingly strong core. I’d sweep her up in my arms, spin until we were dizzy, hold her close and tell her that she is loved; just the way she is and exactly for who she is.
People will always judge me, good and bad, but it doesn’t really matter so much anymore. As long as I can truly love myself and stand in who I am firmly and strongly, I can trust, let go of any attachment and know that each Moonchild has their stars-in-eyes, strong hearted and fierce warrior, who will sweep her up, take her by the hand and love her fiercely and truly, because she is so sensitive.
And this, so much this!
You Don’t Need A Man, You Need a Goddamn Warrior.
Kate RoseVia Kate Roseon Aug 12, 2015
Warning: naughty language ahead!
To my sweet wild woman, I know why it hasn’t worked out with anyone else—you don’t need a man, but a goddamn warrior.
You are the strength of Turkish coffee at sunrise darlin’ and don’t try to pretend that you’re not.
You are one of the wild ones, and no matter how you tried to hide that fact, you can’t be anything other than what you are—and that’s okay. You are just as you are supposed to be, magnificently wild in all of your chaotic beauty.
I know you’ve had your heart broken and I know that you don’t understand why it always seems to never work out, but I’ve finally figured it out:
You don’t need a man, you need a goddamn warrior.
It doesn’t matter if this warrior drives a Jeep or a shiny sports car, and it won’t matter if he wears silk or cotton—it will not even matter if he works in a high-rise, or on the night shift.
What is going to matter is that when it comes to taking bets on your heart, he is going to be high stakes—all the way.
This warrior of yours will crave your strength, and your intensity. He’s going to look at you and not see something to tame, but something to just fuckin’ admire. This warrior of yours won’t be someone that you can manipulate or play with as you have in the past, so honey, don’t even try—and trust me, you’re going to love him even more because of it.
Because you aren’t just a woman, you’re a goddamn goddess.
Your fierceness is going to bring him to his knees every single time he looks into your gorgeous eyes, but the difference is, unlike the others, he isn’t going to be scared off. No, this time, you will have finally met your match—because a simple man for you just won’t do.
You need someone to match the fire in your eyes with his own. Not only that, my little wild thing, but this warrior of yours is going to want to encourage the flames instead of trying to douse them with his own insecurities.
Because for you, a warrior is the only man who will ever live in the wild with you.
He may not have to slay any dragons to earn your love, but he would still walk through fire if it meant seeing that amazing smile that you hold in reserve for only him.
This is the thing, free spirit, this warrior you seek….he’s seeking you too.
For he’s had failed relationships that have left him wondering if maybe he was meant to be alone for the rest of his journey—and you’re going to change all of that for him. You both have been travelling along on your separate journeys and have been doing an okay job at it, but that about to change too.
Because baby, when you and this warrior of yours meet and collide—it’s going to be a love set on fire.
Don’t try to run this time—I know your heart has been broken before, and that you’re not used to things working out, but this time it’s different. Give yourself time to see that.
This warrior of yours needs to see that it’s possible for someone to see all of his wild, and still be there when he craves his freedom and ventures off into this world for a bit. You won’t always need to follow him, just as he won’t always follow you. Let yourself stay wild, even when all you want to do is curl up in that spot along his side and forget the rest of the world exists.
Let yourself still wander naked under the full moon, and drink moonshine with the stars. Let yourself feel the pull of the wind on your heart, and the sun toward a new journey. Because this warrior is going to love you because of your wild—and he’ll want you to keep it.
You’ll be in this together now, this amazing, crazy, chaotic, wonderfully heartbreaking life—because it takes a warrior to love a goddess. And it takes a goddess to show a warrior what real love is.
So pack up your insecurities and your ideas about picket fences, because that was never you anyway. You were born knowing that you were destined for more, and now is the time for you to see what all those dreams look like.
There is no stopping a love like this, so promise me you’ll hold out just a little bit longer.
Have a little bit of hope, and always give love just one more try, because I promise you my sweet wild woman—the love that you seek is seeking you as well.