I read a post on a friend’s Facebook page. She complained about friends dictating to others who they can be friends with or not. I thought about this for a little bit and then found that this had never happened to me. I had never been asked to dump anyone for a friend; and there is a good reason why.
I am all for everyone getting along, but I can’t stand spineless cowards or backstabbers. If I have something to tell you, I tell you to your face and go about my merry way. I don’t spinelessly go behind your back and talk smack about you to people who know you; or worse, expecting them to cut ties with you. Why? Because there should never even be a demand for that.
I am loyal to a fault. You mess with my friends, you mess with me. You don’t get to badmouth, belittle, berate or insult people I care about in front of me, ever! And no, I won’t tell you to shut up, I will give you a piece of my mind. The people I care about, while not saints, are sacred to me. I may not always agree with their actions, but no one gets to put them down. If I have something to tell them, I will do so.
It is my chosen duty, as a friend, to stand by you and fight for you, period! So if a boyfriend or “friend” of yours hurts you, they have hurt me. That is it, no more to add. If I don’t have a vested interest in someone as a friend, the least I would tell the bad-mouther is to have the decency to tell the person they are going on about to their face. And, I would seriously question the character of anyone, if they are “one of those.” In other words, don’t come to me and use me as a co-conspirator to your crap.
My personal choice has always been to do the right thing; and luckily for me, I know the difference between right and wrong. I don’t need to be told that it is douchy to betray my friend of many years, by hanging out with the jerk who broke her heart, or the bitch who stabbed her in the back, used her, betrayed her or hurt her. This does not make me arrogant or a person who feels “holier than thou.” It merely makes me a person of integrity. I absolutely reserve the right to judge a person by their continued actions, and I don’t tolerate victims or douche baggery of any kind. Why? Because I choose to have friends who add to my life and help me grow as a person. People always know exactly where they stand with me. There is never a question about it.
Having said all that, though, I do not, or no longer, hold others to my standards of decency, integrity or honesty; at all! However, I will not engage with those who don’t share the same values. There are some values that I find absolutely essential, if you call yourself my friend; and it includes the fact that you protect me from those who mean harm to me. If you cannot do that, I must part ways. I don’t care for those who play both sides, unless you are a distant buddy or an acquaintance. Don’t call yourself my friend if you don’t have my back. Luckily, those who really know me always understood why this is so important to me and share the same sentiments.
Life is really short. I don’t like negative people, because I used to be that at times. There are quite a few traits that I will no longer tolerate in my life, in order to become the person I set out to be. However, all that means is that I avoid those who continuously sport said traits, while I go about my new, chosen and happy life with those who get it.
There was a time in my life where I had no choice but to take it to the chin. There was a time in my life where I thought that I did not deserve to ask anyone to stand up for me or fight for me. Luckily for me, that time is now gone. And on a side note, it always did make me wonder why such a rudimentary thing never had to be explained to anyone in Germany. Thankfully, my friends here also get it; without explanation or demands.
One should never have to demand loyalty; and hence, one should never have to demand for another to cut ties with someone else. In my world, it is a given that you do that when necessary.
P.S.: Before anyone gives me the “one has to hear both sides of the story” crap. I am not talking about listening to two sides! I am talking about someone badmouthing and willfully trashing, belittling or instigating another to stand against someone you call a friend.