True Love – Make it So

true love

Love – nothing will ever be more elevating, more empowering and more worthwhile than true love. And while all know this, it often seems to elude many of us for various reasons. So we run around disconnected, distracting ourselves, while hoping that the magic answer and bullet will appear, out of thin air, at our doorstep and in our lives.

Love is actually not as elusive and hard to find, if you know what you are looking for; and I believe that is where it becomes difficult. We are sold on what we should believe in and how this love thing should look like, missing that love and how it will appear is vastly different for all of us. We all have different wants, needs and ideals of love, our perfect partner and how we like to be treated, as well as what is and isn’t important to us. So being sold on a fairy tale created by Hollywood is often not only not cutting it, but will sometimes make us feel more off and as if something is wrong with us.

When I look at myself, I can honestly state that I am a hopeless romantic. But for me, romance never showed up in form a perfect house, 2.5 children, a dog and the man that I, as a corporate woman for example, should want and crave. To me, there were many nuances that didn’t fit in any traditional picture and this made me feel incredibly sad, “weird” and different. I wanted something out of this world and that just doesn’t usually come in a traditional form. Meaning, visualizing and craving something society told me to manifest could never work, because it wasn’t what I truly desired.

So, I created my perfect man. I started with a vision board. On this vision board I put all the things I wanted to have in life – money/success, health, love and happiness. I packed the entire board full of all the images that incorporate these concepts in my head. I then hung said vision board on my refrigerator door, where I would have to look at it every day. After this was accomplished, I started meditating and visualizing each aspect depicted. I was specific, VERY specific about the relationship and man I wanted. From his energy and how he should feel like, to all the qualities I personally adore and admire. I created my own, magical unicorn! With each passing day I recalled the image back into my subconscious – then released it to unfold without attachment to when, how and where.

The truth is, each and every one of us is capable to manifest whatever we desire. It takes focus and a little bit of time, and above all commitment and patience. Steady visualization does work. If it is love you are seeking, you might find yourself one day waking up to the very person you’ve been attempting to manifest, realizing that love is real and that your work has paid off.

Fake It Until You Make It

From the airplane

From the airplane

It’s a lot of work to rewire your hard drive, also known as your brain. When you’ve been a certain way for so long, or done certain things for equally as long, it is amazingly difficult to change them. It’s not impossible, but it takes a lot of effort, choice and awareness to not just change for a day, but to make it stick. It is hard for me sometimes to make it stick. It is difficult to stop the constant, endless stream of thoughts that run like a freight train through my brain. Often, these thoughts are not only counterproductive, but probably “wrong.” The steady flow of assumptions and assignment of meaning is exhausting.

I am becoming more aware of what and who triggers negative thoughts and a spiral downwards. I am also becoming more aware of what and who triggers the opposite. Where the dots are still not quite connecting is drawing conclusions from said findings, and hence, actually avoid and stop giving time and thought to those who clearly are triggering negative responses and make me feel bad. The thing is, I am still not “fully developed” the way I want and that means that the wrong influences still have too much power at times.

I have been walking on a tight rope, carefully balancing my thoughts, actions and words to align with the goals I have set for myself. This has worked pretty well in the past few months with only a few setbacks to report. I get in trouble when I overanalyze and things get worse when I assign value to other people’s actions and words, or lack thereof.

It boils down to me trying to make sense of people who are acting in ways that make no sense to me. I still have a bad habit of taking it personal, as if their complete lack of care, consideration or thought of me says something about me. I still do it, and what’s worse, find myself incapable of just walking away. I want to tell people that their actions are callous and hurt me, but then wonder why I would do that, given that this generally doesn’t go anywhere. So, round and round in circles I go, wondering why I am rejected (for example), then trying to verbalize it, while figuring that none of it should matter and that they wouldn’t give a damn if I did say something anyway. I do this for hours at times, seemingly unaware of how much time and energy I waste.

I guess, the good thing is that I don’t act on these thoughts. I don’t call selfish or mean people out anymore. I don’t tell someone, who I feel is using me, that they are hurting my feelings or that I feel used. Instead, I try to quietly sit and observe what is happening inside of my head, then compartmentalize it all into bite size chunks that I can work with, and finally take actions that alter any negative state of mind. I am trying to strengthen the ability to walk away from situations and people that are hurtful and counterproductive to me and the life I am trying to build.

Recently, I was told once again that I am “so intense.” This keeps coming from someone who, quite clearly, doesn’t care at all about me and only seem to remember me when they need something. This statement, along with the callous actions, trigger strong emotions in me and an almost obsessive need to prove my worth. And that is what needs to stop.

I am intense. More so than almost anyone I know. But the thing is that I love this part about me. I want to tell this person that my intensity is not only a huge part of who I am, but a huge testament to my resilience. I want to tell them that it is a miracle that I never turned callous, selfish and heartless after all I’ve experienced. I want to state that my ability to feel so deeply, fully and intensely is my greatest asset. Alas, it would mean that person would actually have to know me and, as always, the most judgmental remarks usually come/came from those who didn’t have a clue about me.

When bad thoughts happen, I am learning now to slowly step away from the abyss and utilizing my two best friends for brain remapping – distraction and delay. I am getting better every day. I am becoming better in faking it, but by repeating these “fake” actions, I am transforming them into new, healthier and better habits. And yes, the transformation of my life so far is quite astounding.

The light is shining through more often than not these days. I guess, it is shining with the same intensity I seem to have. And wouldn’t you know it, that intensity attracts pretty awesome situations and people. What can I say? Lukewarm, mediocre and laid back is just not how I run – and that’s perfectly fine by me. I guess some of us are supernovas and we’re not meant to hang with Pluto.

The Construct of Reality

Recently I attended a seminar and learned a few more cool things about brain mapping. While I knew most of the stuff that was presented, I did not know how they all come into play together. I’m going to geek out for a moment, but also hope that this will help others to understand the true potential they have.
There are thousands of thoughts that rush through our brains on a daily basis. Most of them are so fast that we never even knew we’ve had them. Yet, the fast brain actually dictates the majority of our reality. The fast brain is the one that recognizes patterns and continuously searches for mapping clues. In other words, the fast brain maps the surroundings, then seeks out familiar people, scenarios and places that it can connect to previous experiences. The fast brain acts on only one thing: the world as we know it.

So what is the fast brain? It is the instinct, your “animal” brain and it does not discriminate between good and bad. It merely maps. This is why people keep repeating the same cycles and keep making the same decisions, hence, finding themselves in the same relationships and outcomes, year after year, time after time. Our fast brain mapped, recognized based on the existing database, then pulled the experience into existence; because we flock to what we know.
Luckily for us, we also have the slow brain, also known as the methodical side. This one does not act on compulsion, but actually responds to decisions that are well thought out, envisioned, wanted and desired. This is where your ability lies to change a pattern; and where your free will comes into play!
When talking about the slow brain, let’s also talk about your two best friends that will help you with the rewiring – procrastination and distraction. Yes, in the context of rewiring your brain patterns and impulses, it is not only OK, but necessary to use these two traits. Let me give you an example. Let’s say you want to lose weight and you seem to lack total control when it comes to sweets. If you can fool the brain, by ignoring the impulse to reach for the cookies, let’s say, and just simply decide to wait (I use gaming to keep me distracted), your brain will, after a while, learn that the impulse doesn’t mean you are hungry, no matter how you feel and that  the urge will cease. The impulse may appear as true and real, for example being super hungry or starving, when all we are doing is experiencing an impulse, based on conditioned action. Slowing the impulse down is our friend and allows us to get back in touch with our true will.
How does this shape your true will, you may ask. Well, as human beings we often feel as if we are merely pinballs, mercilessly thrown around by emotions, seemingly random thoughts, impulses and whims. It appears as if we have no or very little control over what happens, because we keep ending up in the same situation, even though we may have moved; well, sometimes across the globe. Even though we truly changed the environment! It’s just that no matter where we go and what we do, we assess with lighting speed, unbeknownst to us, the one thing that is familiar, even if that’s the one thing we no longer want.

The beauty is, once you are aware and understand how your brain maps and how you are able to use the slow brain to dictate what you think and how you respond, you will also start attracting different outcomes. As you reinforce the new patterns, by visualization, meditation, or just acting, the fast brain will start mapping the new thoughts to match it up with the appropriate experience and outcome.

Thoughts become things, as Mike Dooley always says and you and your life are, in fact, a complete product of what you think. This is also how cognitive behavioral therapy works, btw. You delay the response, sit with the experience until you learn that absolutely nothing happens, contrary to what your brain tells you, which is to run or act. With this new knowledge you can start literally creating your life as you see fit; and the sky truly is the limit!