True Love – Make it So

true love

Love – nothing will ever be more elevating, more empowering and more worthwhile than true love. And while all know this, it often seems to elude many of us for various reasons. So we run around disconnected, distracting ourselves, while hoping that the magic answer and bullet will appear, out of thin air, at our doorstep and in our lives.

Love is actually not as elusive and hard to find, if you know what you are looking for; and I believe that is where it becomes difficult. We are sold on what we should believe in and how this love thing should look like, missing that love and how it will appear is vastly different for all of us. We all have different wants, needs and ideals of love, our perfect partner and how we like to be treated, as well as what is and isn’t important to us. So being sold on a fairy tale created by Hollywood is often not only not cutting it, but will sometimes make us feel more off and as if something is wrong with us.

When I look at myself, I can honestly state that I am a hopeless romantic. But for me, romance never showed up in form a perfect house, 2.5 children, a dog and the man that I, as a corporate woman for example, should want and crave. To me, there were many nuances that didn’t fit in any traditional picture and this made me feel incredibly sad, “weird” and different. I wanted something out of this world and that just doesn’t usually come in a traditional form. Meaning, visualizing and craving something society told me to manifest could never work, because it wasn’t what I truly desired.

So, I created my perfect man. I started with a vision board. On this vision board I put all the things I wanted to have in life – money/success, health, love and happiness. I packed the entire board full of all the images that incorporate these concepts in my head. I then hung said vision board on my refrigerator door, where I would have to look at it every day. After this was accomplished, I started meditating and visualizing each aspect depicted. I was specific, VERY specific about the relationship and man I wanted. From his energy and how he should feel like, to all the qualities I personally adore and admire. I created my own, magical unicorn! With each passing day I recalled the image back into my subconscious – then released it to unfold without attachment to when, how and where.

The truth is, each and every one of us is capable to manifest whatever we desire. It takes focus and a little bit of time, and above all commitment and patience. Steady visualization does work. If it is love you are seeking, you might find yourself one day waking up to the very person you’ve been attempting to manifest, realizing that love is real and that your work has paid off.

Dance, Live, Love and Sing

Sometimes you just have to shake off the dust, jump up, start dancing and singing your own renditions of your favorite songs!

I think each and every one of us play so many different roles and wear so many masks that the true self becomes a bit murky after a while. When I was a kid I used to dance in front of the radio, wearing my mom’s robe like a cape and singing into a spoon. I didn’t know English, so I just sang whatever the words sounded like. I still do it! I can sing in German, English, French and Russian; maybe Portuguese! Instead of the robe, I tend to opt for no clothes. One has to be comfortable in one’s skin! Just for fun, I’ve decided to learn French. I like languages and who cares if I’m good or bad at it. I can still run around, laughing like crazy as I proudly proclaim “Je bois le vin rouge!”

The thing is, when we play, pretend, sing and dance we turn into the wide-eyed creators we were born as, before we were told that we shouldn’t, couldn’t and all that other crap that instilled doubt and shame in us. I don’t know about you but I love being a kid again, even if only in spirit.

I really don’t know why we put ourselves through the torture of always doing what we should, when there is so much fun to be had when we are doing whatever makes us happy. Maybe I’m simply wired wrong but whenever I see a cliff, I run towards it, raise my arms and yell “whee,” as I jump. Life is too short to always play it safe and to not get lost in possibility. There are so many things to do, places to see, worlds to conquer, cliffs to jump and laughter to be had. Find those who will support you and run aside you. Spend time with the creators, the happy ones, world travelers, warriors, gods, goddesses and other doers.

Live and love hard! The rest will fall into place!

Curses and Karma and Dark Clouds, Oh My

Life can be a scary thing if one believes what has been taught for centuries by various religions. And why not give up, when none of it is in our control and it’s not our vault?

Personally, I don’t believe in curses, bad omens or karma; at least not in the buddhist sense. No, I do not believe that any current struggles are caused by something I did ten lifetimes ago. And because I don’t buy into it, it doesn’t create more of it!

I believe that my mind creates my reality. My life circumstances are almost always in direct correlation to the head space I am in. I can create greatness and I can create mediocre, or downright bad situations, if I do buy into another’s reality. So yes, we create reality. We create our circumstances and our possibilities or lack thereof; most of the time!

See, my beliefs are somewhat of a paradox. I do believe in something bigger than me, but I do not rely on it or wait to be rescued by it. I don’t really believe in coincidence, but I also believe that sometimes stuff just happens. Good things happen to rotten people and bad things happen to amazing people. My brain is not highly enough developed to claim to understand what the purpose of everything is. I can sometimes see the path that lead to a certain situation, but as always, that path does not become clear until I am well on my way. While I am in the midst of the proverbial s*** storm, things sometimes seem bleak, confusing and definitely anything but clear.

These days we are constantly made wrong by those who claim to have the answers. Either, we are considered negative when we are down, or we are considerate delusional when we are too positive. My personal perception is usually based on the default mode of a person, not the occasional one.

So how do we get past our most trying times without going crazy, thinking we were cursed, have bad karma, and most importantly, without creating a pattern of more bad stuff? Well, that depends on you. I can share what works for me and why it works, but I am aware that this may not be the same for another. So here is a random list of actions I take when I am in a negative space.

  • Every time I feel sad, defeated, out of control, miserable or otherwise impaired I do these things
    – nothing gets me out of a bad head space better than doing Yoga. Yoga is not only good for my body, but it is excellent for my mind. It teaches me to be in the moment, gets rid of anxiety, anger or fear and makes me feel refreshed and energized. When I am refreshed and energized I can create and visualize.Visualize and network – The worst thing I can do is sit around, avoid everyone and do nothing. Therefore I visualize where I see myself and what I will be doing. I contact friends, business partners and whomever else I believe can offer some helpful and constructive feedback or advice, and people who are where I want to be! Of course, sometimes I simply call a friend to vent.

    Don’t beat myself up –  Sometimes I am down. Generally, this mood can be attributed to events in my life at the current time.  I don’t go back and dig up any old failures, just so I can wallow in my own self-pity or come up with an irrational belief of being cursed or born under a bad/unlucky star. I understand that what happened right now made me feel the way it did and give myself space to grieve, be angry, disappointed, or whatever else I may feel. I realize that this, too, shall pass and when I do draw from the past, I draw from all the times I have emerged victorious, regardless of how bleak things may have seemed. I know there is the need for the occasional misery fest, where I sit around, cry into a pint of vanilla ice cream, blame everyone else and feel victimized. But, the more I actually learned how to turn a negative into a positive emotion, the less I am now able to hold on to the misery. I tend to feel silly and start laughing the longer I sit around engaging in the blame game.

    Laugh –  I do anything I can to not stay in a bad mood. One of the best ways to make that happen is laughing. I find a funny movie or show and watch it. There is simply no way that one can watch The Colbert Report, for example, without cracking up. In addition, downers and miserable people, or those who trigger bad emotions in me, are not allowed. I generally don’t tolerate them in my life, period. But when I am down, I won’t tolerate any form of connection or communication with anyone who does not make me feel good about myself. The more you surround yourself with people who are good for your mind, body, soul and heart, the more you will become like them! Actions and emotions are contagious! Negative people breed negative behaviors and lives situations, just like positive people breed the opposite.

    Joyous actions –  Whatever makes me happy, I do it! Sometimes that means playing my favorite computer game for hours, other times I just want to write, read or watch TV. Whatever makes me happy is allowed. Of course, Yoga is on the top of the list.

    Decisions –  I choose not do be helpless and powerless every time something goes wrong in my life. I have created the life I wanted and about 90% of the time I am successful and happy. I choose to not draw from the remaining 10%, which are not so successful or great. I choose to never give up and to see the glass as half full. No matter what happens, I choose what it does to me and how I perceive it.

The idea here is always the same. I am creating a pattern and the pattern becomes my main mode, overwriting unhappiness and old, stuck patterns that no longer serve me.

We do largely create our own universe. I know that what goes down comes back up and that the overall sum of my actions, thoughts, emotions and physical health create a consistent pattern of happiness and well being.

Bad things happen. Sometimes, they seem to repeat itself and other times they are so hard on us that it seems hard to get back up. But with an arsenal of tools and positive patterns that took me years to develop, I am able to strongly influence just how hard of a blow I am taking and how long I am beaten down by the things I have no control over.

In the end, we are defined by our consistent actions, especially in our darkest moments. We are defined by how we consistently treat others, in our best and in our hardest times. And the more we choose to engage in one way or the other, the more we will become that which we do. So, when things go bad, realize that you always have a choice. The more you make the right choices for yourself, the more they will become who you are and lay out the path to your continued success in life.

Good Intentions Gone Wrong?

As the saying goes “the road to hell is paved with good intentions.” Worse, sometimes good intentions have the exact opposite outcome, which seems to make even less sense. So when one is on a diet, one ends up gaining weight. And isn’t it the strangest thing that each time we are finally ready for therapy or that personal trainer we suddenly find ourselves unable to find one, or being able to afford one. This is definitely one of the best ways to show the power of one’s subconscious mind, and true intentions at its finest. This is why confidence shows, why positive people get what they want and why those who know what they want are able to manifest it.

There is a huge difference with really wanting to do something and setting your mind to it, versus saying that you “should” be doing something, because it might or even will be getting you to where you want to be. The words “should” register in the depth of your mind as “won’t,” and pretty much have the same effect. This is why those who should quit smoking don’t, the ones who should be losing weight keep gaining or staying where they are at, and those who really should be getting in therapy to have the life they so desire remain single.

Wanting something and truly being willing to do whatever it takes to get it, are two completely different things. Any massive change in one’s habits require the necessary mind set and no matter how great we might  be in fooling others, our mind isn’t so easily fooled and knows exactly what our true intentions are. And, to top it off, most people will also, sooner or later, see who someone truly is, because in order to convince someone of being anything, one has to consistently be whatever one claims to be. So if you are highly insecure, no matter how secure you may try to appear on the outside, you’ll always end up revealing your insecure nature by how you end up acting most of the time; especially when you are under pressure.

So how does one turn intentions into actions? I guess, by asking yourself how bad you really want it. Some sit on their couch and wait for their life and happiness to unfold; while not moving a finger and not changing a thing. Well, good luck with that! Everything worth having and being requires three things; discipline, determination and persistence, or in other words, willpower.

I generally make lists. I write out the pros and cons of the thing I want and what my intent is for getting it. I then carry said list with me and read it at least once a day. I guess, one could say that not only am I putting my true intentions out there, but I keep reinforcing them until they are stuck and have successfully overwritten whatever faulty or stagnant belief I had before. I recognize that it takes time and I leave room to forgive myself if I don’t get it right immediately. But with persistence, determination and discipline I’ll end up getting it right sooner rather than later.

Don’t waste time on complaining about how hard things are, but take it one day at a time. Focusing on the entire road ahead makes things daunting and often we’ll end up setting ourselves up for failure. But if you take it one day at a time/use baby steps, you will end up succeeding. It’s that persistence thing, you know?

How to Speak Your Truth

I have been reiterating the fact that speaking your truth is one of the most important steps to getting the life you want and the happiness you deserve. When I talk about speaking your truth, though, I am talking about setting boundaries and sticking to them. I am not talking about spewing whatever comes to mind whenever you feel like it, and to whomever you want to in order to get your point across!

So what is the difference, you may ask. Speaking your truth does not have an attachment to outcome! We don’t speak our truth in order to manipulate, persuade or force someone to do things our way, see things the way we want them to, or even agree with us. To speak your truth means to stand in your own power and to not allow anyone to take your power away. It has nothing to do with aggression, manipulation or being stubborn, selfish and mean-spirited.

Having an attachment to someone else’s reaction turns your “truth speaking” into an act of trying to get things your way and moves the focus away from you, i.e. holding someone else responsible. To be honest does not mean we have to be mean, a bully, manipulative or unkind, because in a way, we couldn’t care less what the other “feels” about it. It means that you have stated what is and what is not acceptable to your well-being and your own self and that should never be reliant on an outside source.

People are whatever they are and choose to be. Confronting those who have wronged you, or are still wronging you won’t create peace of mind. The reason is that most people are absolutely unwilling to change or even see their part in an argument, problem or issue. But when we set our boundaries and claim our power, it doesn’t matter if a person changes their mind or point of view, because their action or reaction does not influence our happiness or our peace.

I used to have this very wrong. My idea of always being honest backfired big time, each and every time I would confront a person with their, to me, unacceptable behaviors and attitudes. I figured, if I speak clearly they’d get it. But they generally didn’t and the struggle, fights or arguments would continue. The more someone would misunderstand or misinterpret me, the more I would attempt to “set them straight.” Needless to say, this almost always failed completely. In the past, my “honesty” made quite a few enemies and the feeling of being seen completely distorted, or having been treated unfairly, weighed heavily on me.

To be honest, it is hard for me to accept that not everyone likes or will like me. There are a lot of people who claim that they don’t care how others perceive them. But to me, and I would argue to most, it does matter. It matters because I am actively attempting to make a difference in the world and I am actively attempting to be my higher self; and for all of us who take on these roles, we have to be mindful of our choices, words, actions, thoughts and emotions. We do not get to spew bad energy, we don’t get to be passive aggressive and we don’t get to manipulate others and be victims.

Making this decision makes it even more important to fully accept and love yourself. Accepting who you are and stopping to make excuses for it will allow you to keep your power and your peace of mind; as a permanent state of being. When you state and live your boundaries consistently, you will find no need to manipulate anymore. It doesn’t matter if someone agrees or doesn’t agree, because at the end of the day, it isn’t up to others to validate who you are! This power is given to you alone, my friend.

Living your life with honor, integrity, courage and kindness will, in return, attract those who do not require explanations. You will find yourself surrounded more by those who won’t continuously challenge, misinterpret or suck the life out of you and less by those who do not live by the same principles. The universe has a way of weeding out those who no longer belong or serve your growth anymore. So when you “lose” someone to your newly found ability to live in power, let it go and trust that another who has no problem with it will emerge. There is no empty space in the universe. Alas, getting rid of space occupied by those who do not deserve it, will allow a spot for those who do.

It’s All in Your Head

It sure seems a hard concept to grasp that it truly is all in our head. How we perceive the world, what happens to us (mostly!), what we call reality, how our life turns out, how successful and healthy we are and much more depends on what is in our conscious and even more importantly, in our subconscious mind.

We want reasons to blame and not be responsible. We want to rely on something or someone that we can hold accountable. We want something or someone to tell us that it isn’t up to us, because that makes life so much easier and much less frightening. Anything, really, is easier when we feel it wasn’t our doing or our fault. And yet, knowing that it was our doing and fault adds so much more power to one’s life.

Whatever sits in our subconscious mind creates reality. When we feel useless or not worthy, we will keep creating situations in our life that prove it to us. When we feel we can’t do it, we will fail. Our subconscious is responsible for how we perceive the world and the people in it. It is impossible to be positive, for example, if your subconscious is filled with negativity. It is impossible to create a healthy mind and body, if you believe yourself a victim without any control over anything. The more imbalanced we are in our mind, the more imbalanced our life will be and the more imbalanced individuals and situations we will attract to us.

Who we really are, namely what we truly think and feel, shows to the outside world in our actions. It doesn’t matter how hard we are trying to cover it. Our true self has a way to rear its pretty or ugly head, no matter how hard we may try to convince people otherwise. We may stomp our feet and insist on being nice people, but if we are not, no one real and healthy will buy it. For some, who they think they are and who they actually are don’t even come close. And living in a world were confrontation is shunned and avoided continuously contributes to other people’s stories and illusions of their life and being.

To change one’s mind, literally, means to change one’s life. The more we learn, actively pay attention to our actions, words, thoughts and feelings, the more self-aware we will be, and the more we will actually start altering our reality. It is quite amazing what human beings can do; well, maybe what our brain can do. How successful and happy a person is can be contributed 100% to what is going on in their heads. Some may be successful, but only very few achieve true happiness; because very few have the ability to rewire their hard-drive.

Faulty programming tells us that it is impossible to change. It tells us that we are powerless, possibly worthless and a bunch of other messages we may have accepted as truth a long time ago. Because these messages are true to us, it doesn’t occur that we can change them, or be in total control of them. This is what delusion and denial are all about. When one learns to accept and believe things that are neither true, nor necessarily substantiated by reality, one becomes delusional, powerless and a victim; one becomes out of control.

No matter where we came from or what we’ve endured in the past, we can alter our universe, if we choose to do so. It requires work, hard work, and determination. For some it requires hitting rock bottom and for others not even that won’t change the twisted reality they call life. Sometimes, nothing ever changes a person’s truth or reality; until the day they die. It is therefore important to understand that none of us can change or alter anyone else’s universe/reality or truth. We can only change ourselves.

And how do we do that? We start by understanding what our wiring is; recognizing our faulty patterns and seeking out those who are doing it right! We pick role models, people who inspire us, people who don’t just talk the talk but walk the walk. We surround ourselves with those who continuously challenge us to become the best we can be. We ask for help, if necessary from professionals, and we give an oath to ourselves to not be too proud, too afraid, too lazy or too weak to do what it takes to reach our goals. We surrender to the possibility of a new life and understand that the transition of not knowing how a new life will look like is not going to be easy. We decide what we want and we no longer make excuses or act wishy washy and confused.

Living life wide awake and fully aware of one’s potential and power is the best we can do. What gets created within this space is nothing short of a miracle. It is also the space where we stop being sheep and become leaders and where we go from victims to victors. Wide awake is the only space to create true and lasting success and happiness. All other spaces are just illusion.