Fake It Until You Make It

From the airplane

From the airplane

It’s a lot of work to rewire your hard drive, also known as your brain. When you’ve been a certain way for so long, or done certain things for equally as long, it is amazingly difficult to change them. It’s not impossible, but it takes a lot of effort, choice and awareness to not just change for a day, but to make it stick. It is hard for me sometimes to make it stick. It is difficult to stop the constant, endless stream of thoughts that run like a freight train through my brain. Often, these thoughts are not only counterproductive, but probably “wrong.” The steady flow of assumptions and assignment of meaning is exhausting.

I am becoming more aware of what and who triggers negative thoughts and a spiral downwards. I am also becoming more aware of what and who triggers the opposite. Where the dots are still not quite connecting is drawing conclusions from said findings, and hence, actually avoid and stop giving time and thought to those who clearly are triggering negative responses and make me feel bad. The thing is, I am still not “fully developed” the way I want and that means that the wrong influences still have too much power at times.

I have been walking on a tight rope, carefully balancing my thoughts, actions and words to align with the goals I have set for myself. This has worked pretty well in the past few months with only a few setbacks to report. I get in trouble when I overanalyze and things get worse when I assign value to other people’s actions and words, or lack thereof.

It boils down to me trying to make sense of people who are acting in ways that make no sense to me. I still have a bad habit of taking it personal, as if their complete lack of care, consideration or thought of me says something about me. I still do it, and what’s worse, find myself incapable of just walking away. I want to tell people that their actions are callous and hurt me, but then wonder why I would do that, given that this generally doesn’t go anywhere. So, round and round in circles I go, wondering why I am rejected (for example), then trying to verbalize it, while figuring that none of it should matter and that they wouldn’t give a damn if I did say something anyway. I do this for hours at times, seemingly unaware of how much time and energy I waste.

I guess, the good thing is that I don’t act on these thoughts. I don’t call selfish or mean people out anymore. I don’t tell someone, who I feel is using me, that they are hurting my feelings or that I feel used. Instead, I try to quietly sit and observe what is happening inside of my head, then compartmentalize it all into bite size chunks that I can work with, and finally take actions that alter any negative state of mind. I am trying to strengthen the ability to walk away from situations and people that are hurtful and counterproductive to me and the life I am trying to build.

Recently, I was told once again that I am “so intense.” This keeps coming from someone who, quite clearly, doesn’t care at all about me and only seem to remember me when they need something. This statement, along with the callous actions, trigger strong emotions in me and an almost obsessive need to prove my worth. And that is what needs to stop.

I am intense. More so than almost anyone I know. But the thing is that I love this part about me. I want to tell this person that my intensity is not only a huge part of who I am, but a huge testament to my resilience. I want to tell them that it is a miracle that I never turned callous, selfish and heartless after all I’ve experienced. I want to state that my ability to feel so deeply, fully and intensely is my greatest asset. Alas, it would mean that person would actually have to know me and, as always, the most judgmental remarks usually come/came from those who didn’t have a clue about me.

When bad thoughts happen, I am learning now to slowly step away from the abyss and utilizing my two best friends for brain remapping – distraction and delay. I am getting better every day. I am becoming better in faking it, but by repeating these “fake” actions, I am transforming them into new, healthier and better habits. And yes, the transformation of my life so far is quite astounding.

The light is shining through more often than not these days. I guess, it is shining with the same intensity I seem to have. And wouldn’t you know it, that intensity attracts pretty awesome situations and people. What can I say? Lukewarm, mediocre and laid back is just not how I run – and that’s perfectly fine by me. I guess some of us are supernovas and we’re not meant to hang with Pluto.


Rejection – Part II

Rejection

Having talked yesterday about rejection being a good thing, because we generally have something/someone better waiting for us, I’d like to talk today about the deserved rejection we get when we stubbornly refuse to learn a lesson. However, make no mistake, even when rejection occurs due to our own actions, it is still a good thing and here is why.

As previously stated, I do believe that we always get exactly what we are asking for. Remember, thoughts DO become things. However, this very process spells out disaster for all of those who have low/no self-confidence, are broken, haven’t done any soul searching and just allow their fears to run rampant. Again, in order to keep it real, I will use myself as the example, to demonstrate how sometimes we are our own worst enemy.

I am an extremist. I don’t do moderation well, so when I choose to engage in anything, be it a sport, a certain look, getting a tattoo, liking or disliking someone, or a job and loving or hating, I do so 200%, all the way, with nothing left in the middle.This extreme way of being sometimes works extraordinarily well; especially in my career. My passion about always doing the right thing, no matter what, works great in an environment where I am catching bad people and attempt to stop them from doing bad things to others. However, when I take this passion of mine and apply it randomly to everything in my life, I often end up creating situations I didn’t quite hope for. To say it bluntly, I can be a tornado, that comes in, swirls and twists and runs over everything in its path. I suffer from eternal diarrhea of the mouth and instead of measured and well thought out responses, I just say and do whatever seems like a good idea at the time. Don’t get me wrong, there is beauty in my honesty, but there is no beauty in putting someone on the spot, expecting them to work, think or feel as fast as I do. Moderation is the better way and while I’ve been working hard on being better in that department, I still fail at times.

So when I think of some of the times I have been rejected, I can clearly see that the outcome may have been in my favor, had I only slowed down and presented my thoughts and feelings honestly, but not forcefully. My highly analytical mind has done a great job in understanding that sometimes, well, I created my own disappointment. It also made me realize that my approach needs some tweaking and that altering a behavior does not mean you are doing so, because “no one accepts you the way you are,” but because you want to be the best you can be and create space for only the best people to come in. Being imbalanced will rarely bring in the highest caliber of situations and people. This is the absolute of the law of attraction. Like-minded energy attracts each other.

I often cursed those experiences that left me heartbroken and shattered, but only in the moment. In hindsight, the sum of my experiences made me the person that I am. It allowed me to clearly figure out not only who I really am, but what I really need and want in my life. It allowed me to create, manifest and visualize the things that make me happy, even though this process is hard work. It requires brutal honesty with oneself and absolute authenticity in all your ways of being. It means that you have to be vigilant, about each and every word, thought and feeling you have and extend into the world, and understand how they actually shape your reality. Happiness requires accountability, never blame and finger pointing. 

Which brings me to my last piece of advice, which I am going to give straight from my heart: Don’t ever, ever roll your past into the present or future! Yes, we create, map and draw into existence based on the things we know, but if you are not sure if what you know is enough, watch those who are doing it right, or get help from an expert. Find someone who can help you keeping it real. Someone who will honestly tell you if you are “doing it again,” whatever the false and destructive feeling and thought may be that compels you to potentially make another stupid mistake.

Don’t punish, project and accuse people of things someone else has done before, therefore pushing away the ones who should be in your life. Each day and each experience is new and offers a completely blank canvas and clean slate. The past served its purpose in making you the person that you are today; and this is where it ends. Now go into the world and land that amazing new job, start that new project and if you are single, find the person who takes your breath away and helps you evolve into the person you are meant to be, allowing you to live  an absolute extraordinary life.


The Voices in My Head – Need to be Ignored!

Everyone has them; the proverbial voices in their head. And sadly, you can always tell who is listening to them and who is not.

Everyone had trials and hardships in their life to some extend. What we experience, what is happening to us, at any given time, is evaluated, stored and quite frequently gets rather distorted. Memories can become either better or worse than what they really were. This is neither good, nor bad. All that means is that one needs to be aware of it and understand that the head isn’t the right place to always draw conclusions from. Our brain is a magnificent data center that far outdoes any living creature on this planet; but that doesn’t make it right or correct. Knowing this is what will either make or break you.

I have tried to study different philosophies and read tons of books on all kinds of topics. I will always do that, until the day that I die. I have devoured every book I could find on different spiritual paths, religions, philosophies, quantum physics, astronomy, astrology, science, brain capabilities and everything in between and found, I still don’t really know a thing. But, I am in a much better position now to properly evaluate my responses, expectations, assumptions and theories and hence, control much better what I will do with them. I found that the voices are wrong; a lot!

Why would we waste our life believing the wrong stories, and worst of all, keep insisting that we are right, when we could simply decide in each and every moment, if this rabbit hole is going to lead us to a better, more productive and fulfilling life, or a miserable, confined and dissatisfied one. As I said, I don’t have all the answers, but I do find that no matter what I read, the answers are all very much alike and suggest:

What happens to us, who we are and where we are going, how successful we are and how far we get in life in our relationships at home and work, is a direct result of how we think and what we choose to listen to. Hence, all it takes to become the person I want to be is based on one thing only; making a decision!

I don’t have to fall down the hole of “what if” and “why can’t I.” Instead, I find myself more and more saying “I will be in the right place at the right time, because I am in control of my life and choose to do the steps that will get me where I desire to be.”

None of this is easy. None of this will ever come naturally to me, or most people. But it is well worth a try and “trying” for a while, well, a few years now, has proven that this works infinitely better than the voices in my head. I listen to my gut, or if you prefer the other term, my instincts. They are far more advanced than thoughts and emotions and give me the foundation to make informed decisions, versus hasty, irrational jumps into the unknown.

I don’t know where I read or heard it, but I have come to firmly believe in “we are what we think.” What goes on in our head controls our actions and responses and therefore shows to the world who we really are. At the end of the day I didn’t want to show some of the negative beliefs about myself to others anymore, because I didn’t want to believe or give any further power to the wrong hardwiring. I always wanted to be “awake” instead of wide asleep. Practicing mindfulness is making that happen; and with it, my life started to shift in ways that I never thought possible.

So, be awake, be mindful, be kind and passionate and drop the guild. You deserve everything you have ever dreamed of and more!


It’s All in Your Head

It sure seems a hard concept to grasp that it truly is all in our head. How we perceive the world, what happens to us (mostly!), what we call reality, how our life turns out, how successful and healthy we are and much more depends on what is in our conscious and even more importantly, in our subconscious mind.

We want reasons to blame and not be responsible. We want to rely on something or someone that we can hold accountable. We want something or someone to tell us that it isn’t up to us, because that makes life so much easier and much less frightening. Anything, really, is easier when we feel it wasn’t our doing or our fault. And yet, knowing that it was our doing and fault adds so much more power to one’s life.

Whatever sits in our subconscious mind creates reality. When we feel useless or not worthy, we will keep creating situations in our life that prove it to us. When we feel we can’t do it, we will fail. Our subconscious is responsible for how we perceive the world and the people in it. It is impossible to be positive, for example, if your subconscious is filled with negativity. It is impossible to create a healthy mind and body, if you believe yourself a victim without any control over anything. The more imbalanced we are in our mind, the more imbalanced our life will be and the more imbalanced individuals and situations we will attract to us.

Who we really are, namely what we truly think and feel, shows to the outside world in our actions. It doesn’t matter how hard we are trying to cover it. Our true self has a way to rear its pretty or ugly head, no matter how hard we may try to convince people otherwise. We may stomp our feet and insist on being nice people, but if we are not, no one real and healthy will buy it. For some, who they think they are and who they actually are don’t even come close. And living in a world were confrontation is shunned and avoided continuously contributes to other people’s stories and illusions of their life and being.

To change one’s mind, literally, means to change one’s life. The more we learn, actively pay attention to our actions, words, thoughts and feelings, the more self-aware we will be, and the more we will actually start altering our reality. It is quite amazing what human beings can do; well, maybe what our brain can do. How successful and happy a person is can be contributed 100% to what is going on in their heads. Some may be successful, but only very few achieve true happiness; because very few have the ability to rewire their hard-drive.

Faulty programming tells us that it is impossible to change. It tells us that we are powerless, possibly worthless and a bunch of other messages we may have accepted as truth a long time ago. Because these messages are true to us, it doesn’t occur that we can change them, or be in total control of them. This is what delusion and denial are all about. When one learns to accept and believe things that are neither true, nor necessarily substantiated by reality, one becomes delusional, powerless and a victim; one becomes out of control.

No matter where we came from or what we’ve endured in the past, we can alter our universe, if we choose to do so. It requires work, hard work, and determination. For some it requires hitting rock bottom and for others not even that won’t change the twisted reality they call life. Sometimes, nothing ever changes a person’s truth or reality; until the day they die. It is therefore important to understand that none of us can change or alter anyone else’s universe/reality or truth. We can only change ourselves.

And how do we do that? We start by understanding what our wiring is; recognizing our faulty patterns and seeking out those who are doing it right! We pick role models, people who inspire us, people who don’t just talk the talk but walk the walk. We surround ourselves with those who continuously challenge us to become the best we can be. We ask for help, if necessary from professionals, and we give an oath to ourselves to not be too proud, too afraid, too lazy or too weak to do what it takes to reach our goals. We surrender to the possibility of a new life and understand that the transition of not knowing how a new life will look like is not going to be easy. We decide what we want and we no longer make excuses or act wishy washy and confused.

Living life wide awake and fully aware of one’s potential and power is the best we can do. What gets created within this space is nothing short of a miracle. It is also the space where we stop being sheep and become leaders and where we go from victims to victors. Wide awake is the only space to create true and lasting success and happiness. All other spaces are just illusion.